Tweaking the Ideal

My Grandma was a great example of a working homemaker.  No birthdays were forgotten.  Active at church.  No meals left unprepared.  Visitors were always welcome at a moments notice.  Her home was always clean and her garden full of tomatoes.  And she retired from working for the state as a secretary!  Sickening!  Though Grandma might have preferred to stay home (maybe?), she always put family first.


Barbara B. Smith, past general Relief Society president, explained that if need forces the providing role upon a mother, it is critical that she be able to work as few hours as possible to leave time for homemaking and the nurturing of her children.  “The counsel to all members to acquire training and knowledge as a hedge against a time of need is one of our best ‘storage’ concepts.”  (Barbara B. Smith, “Makers of Homes,” Ensign, Mar. 1979, 24)

Here's A List of More Homemaking Posts:
My Glamorous New Career
What do Homemakers Really Do?
Builders of Homes
The Resurgence of Homemaking in the Church

Builders of Homes

Atlanta Temple, 5/24/02

I don't always kneel when I pray.  My prayers fly heavenward all day long--while I bake or drive or comfort.  I mean no disrespect to Heavenly Father, I just need him constantly while the work of woman goes on. ~Helen Lee Goates

Sister Barbara B. Smith (former general Relief Society president), taught that the Relief Society should teach "women to build a home based on gospel principles."  She said that a home such as this was possible for a woman who lives alone or one who has a family.  The home can become a "place of warmth and renewal for all who enter."

“It is often said to me that the ideal is too much to strive for, because in falling short of perfection there is too much pain, too much sorrow, too much guilt. But it is the responsibility of the Church and its leaders to teach correct principles. Each individual must apply those principles as best he can—trying, failing, repenting, trying again, and finally succeeding.“The purpose of the Church is not to condemn or discourage. Instead, the Church gives us identity and direction, stars to steer by. The purpose of the Church’s instruction on homemaking is to develop homes where people gain compassion, refinement, and moral strength. The kingdom of God is made up of sovereign individuals who use their agency to choose to live the laws of heaven. This is the way to exaltation. Eternal truths are best taught and immortal lives are best shaped in a good home. What a challenge it is to be the maker of such a home!” (“Makers of Homes,” Ensign, Mar. 1979, 24)

The words of Barbara B. Smith are more than thirty years old, but are still inspiring to me as I read them again.  They give me strength as a stay-at-home-mom homemaker.  Everyone can be a homemaker whether they stay at home and whether they have children or not.  But to be both in this day and age is truly daunting.  I heard recently that 89% of all women are in the workforce of some kind.  That left little more than a measly 10% that stay at home.  This choice has often left me feeling lonely, especially if one lives where few women stay at home.  There have been times where I lived in areas where being a stay-at-home mom homemaker was the “norm” or maybe even the concept was becoming “popular” again as many women were leaving their careers to raise their children.

I also could relate to Sister Smith’s comments about becoming discouraged.  Just this morning I woke up feeling like I have probably failed, to some degree, at every single thing I have ever tried to do.  I was seriously depressed by this fact.  I decided I needed to break out the scriptures and read next Sunday’s lesson.   This reminds me of excellent advice by Florence S. Jacobsen, “Just before bedtime prayers, evaluate each day.  Make plans for tomorrow that will move you toward your long-range goal.  Strive for a close partnership with God in making your dreams come true.”

After spiritual renewal from the scriptures, I gained some perspective.  Yes, I have failed.  I do not know of anything I have undertook, especially as a wife, mother, and homemaker, (not to mention sister, friend, and Christian), where I have not achieved the desired results I was hoping for. 

I suppose the Holy Ghost began to stir me to remembrance that much of my so-called “failure” was not necessarily all due to me, since everyone has free agency and we cannot control others.  Besides, even if I tried and essentially failed, I was better off and further along than had I not tried at all.  In a way, this could be considered "success."

It is this Hope that the Spirit fills me with that keeps me going.  Perhaps this self-doubt helps me to see personal flaws that need correcting—providing the humbling needed for “repenting, trying again, and finally succeeding.”  ...And enduring to the end.

What do Homemakers Really Do?

Florida House, Home School

What Did You Do Today  One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.  His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.  The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.  A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.  In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.  In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.  He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.  He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.  She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. 

He looked at her bewildered, and asked, “What happened here today?” 

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world I did today?” 

“Yes was his incredulous reply."  She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."   http://www.christysclipart.com/inspirational_stories.htm#What%20Did%20You%20Do

Yes, homemakers are rarely appreciated for all we do.  Just try leaving the little tykes at home to themselves for 15 minutes and see what they can get into!   One time, I had to run an errand that literally only took fifteen minutes.  As I returned and entered the kitchen door, there was three-year-old Bryce helping five-year-old Elise with a “cooking project” complete with very sharp knives!  Even with a houseful of teenagers and adults, I rarely leave my home to these rascals (spouse included) for fear of what I might return to. 

Frankly, if the “working class” were as efficient at their jobs as I am at my homemaking career, most folk’s work day would be done in a few hours!  (P.S. Just heard Dave Ramsey quote Lee Iacocca who basically said the exact same thing!!!!)  Doctrine and Covenants 88:119 instructed that Saints in Kirtland establish “a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.”  These instructions pertained to the Lord’s temple, but the Bible Dictionary in the LDS edition of the scriptures points out that “only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness.”

Homemakers do much more than keep the household organized. “‘It is in the home that true gospel principles are learned and taught.’  …Children must be taught to recognize and seek spiritual enlightenment.  Parents must be consistent and persistent teaching, both by example and in formal instruction.  That way, the Spirit of the Lord will be able to bear witness of the truths parents teach, and it will touch the hearts of children who might be temporarily resistant.”  (“News of the Church,” Ensign, Mar. 1986, 83)

Teaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in the home adds another layer of insulation to protect our children from worldly influences.  ("Mothers Teaching Children in the Home," Elder L. Tom Perry, Ensign 5/10)

Barbara B. Smith, past general Relief Society president, explained that God clearly placed importance “on the work he has given to women to bear and rear children.  He has not ranked the role of provider ahead of the role of bearing and nurturing, but has wisely divided these highest, most essential duties equally between men and women.  There may be exceptions but the pattern is clear:  an ideal home has both a mother-homemaker and a father-provider.” (Barbara B. Smith, “Makers of Homes,” Ensign, Mar. 1979, 24), (See also, The Family:  Proclamation to the World).

While circumstances do vary and the ideal isn't always possible, I believe it is by divine design that the role of motherhood emphasizes the nurturing and teaching of the next generation.  ~Elder L. Tom Perry