A Time to Die

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2).

This topic may sound morbid but I really became interested after my beloved grandma passed away at age 93.  Grandma was ready to die.  She mentioned it many times.  She had a large family and was always there for her children and grandchildren.  Though of modest means, Grandma was rich with unconditional love and caring.  My children, her great-grandchildren, also loved her deeply.  But Grandma was one of the last survivors of her people and her generation.  It can be lonely to be the last.

After Grandma fell the first time, she was never the "same" grandma.  I think we all knew it would be the beginning of the end.  She insisted that she live in her home--in case anyone needed a place to stay, and she cooked and cleaned, entertained, attended church, continued to travel to relatives homes and live as normally as possible.  However a couple of years before she died, she had an episode like a mild stroke that seemed to change her personality.  Whenever I was around her she was very much the same and recognized me, but I knew that some of her behaviors were not right.

Grandma talked to me about her loved ones now gone, and how she was the last of her very large family.  Even some of her twelve children had died and a few of the grandchildren.  It seemed like life had become more of a struggle than she could bear.  This was sad for me because I couldn't imagine a time without Grandma.  Even now as I write this, I want to reach out and hug her small, bent and fraile figure once more.

I knew that it was Grandma's time to die and I wish I could have done more to help her through it.  I was sad for my aunts and uncles who seemed to not deal well with her slow demise.  They almost seemed to resent Grandma for leaving them--I think we all depended on her more than we knew.

However, I think I can accept the death of an elderly loved one more than the death of someone in the prime of life.  That's what I fear the most.  What I learned from this experience is to get my affairs in order in a clear and concise manner.  I need to let my loved ones know what I want so that they can help me die with dignity and peace whenever that time comes.  I recommend reading  It's OK to Die, by Monica and Kris Murphy for anyone who needs help preparing for the eventuality of death.

Measuring Up...Time and Preparation

Time

To everything there is a season...Yes, a season to be young and doing the inimitable things of youth and a time to be relishing in the richness and understanding that maturity brings.  But some people's timing is off.  They marry when they're supposed to be having fun and have "fun" when they're supposed to be married...They learn to cook after they're married and study the scriptures when they arrive in the mission field...or learn to behave properly after they've been embarrassed in a social situation...or value gospel principles after they've suffered the pangs of repentance.  Personal timing should be clocked because there is a time to every purpose under the heaven.  ~Elaine Cannon


Material objectives consume too much of our attention.  The struggle for what we need or for more than we need exhausts our time and energy.  We pursue pleasure or entertainment, or become overinvolved in associations or civic matters.  Of course, people need recreation, need to be achieving, need to contribute; but if these come at the cost of friendship with Christ, the price is much too high.

'For my people have committed two evils,' said the Lord to Israel; 'they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.' (Jer. 2:13)

The substitutions we fashion to take the place of God in our lives truly hold no water.  To the measure we thus refuse the 'living water,' we miss the joy we could have.  ~Elder Marion D. Hanks, (Ensign, July 1972, 105). 


These are essential things which must be done before nonessential things.  These are simple, indispensable practices that almost seem mundane.  ...No one can do these things for us--these are personal practices and habits that set us apart as strong and immovable for that which is correct.  ~Julie B. Beck Relief Society general president, ("What Latter-day Saint Women Do Best:  Stand Strong and Immovable," Ensign, 11/07)

Preparation

Some of the brethren...approached [President Wilford Woodruff] and ... inquired of him as to when he felt the end would be--when would be the coming of the Master?  These, I think, are not his exact words, but they convey the spirit of his reported reply:  'I would live as if it were to be tomorrow--but I am still planting cherry trees!'  I think we may well take this as a page for our own book and live as if the end might be tomorrow--and still plant cherry trees!  In worrying about things that are beyond our reach, we should not overlook our opportunities with our own families and friends; in worrying about possible eventualities we should not neglect the things that need to be done here and now, and that are within our reach.  ~Elder Richard L. Evans, (Conference Report, Apr. 1950, 105-6)



Measuring Up: Integrity Quotes
Measuring Up: Improvement Quotes
Measuring Up: Testimony Quotes
Measuring Up: Service and Empathy Quotes
Measuring Up: Sabbath Quotes

Measuring Up...Improvement Quotes

Take a hard look at those things which we needlessly, foolishly turn into burdens when they were meant to be blessings.  ~Elaine Cannon

What's the difference between ignorance and arrogance?  I don't know and I don't care.

Those who resist correction, resist perfection. ~President Snow

Too frequently we strive to live as good a life as our peers, when we should be striving to live like the Savior.  (Dr. Jae R. Ballif, physics professor at Brigham Young University)

Elder Marion D. Hanks, Assistant to the Council of the Twelve, said of the Apostle Paul:  "The Lord called him to the ministry, not because of what he had done (or hadn't done), but because of what he was going to be able to do."  (Eastern Atlantic States Mission leadership seminar, summer 1968.)

I find that when I get casual in my relationships with divinity and when it seems that no divine ear is listening and no divine voice is speaking, that I am far, far away.  If I immerse myself in the scriptures the distance narrows and the spirituality returns.  ~Spencer W. Kimball, (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, [1982], 135).

Elder Harold B. Lee reminded us that a certain amount of spiritual preparation is necessary
before we can receive divine communications.  He said, "The Lord will bring us his blessings to that extent that we have diligence in keeping his commandments.  Each of you, in other words, must stand on your own feet if you will receive the great blessings which the Almighty has in store for you...Stand upon your own feet, so the Lord can speak to you.  In humility be prepared to say with Paul, 'Lord, what wilt thou have me do?'  And with dauntless courage say with the boy Samuel, 'Speak, Lord, thy servant heareth.'  Be humble, be prayerful and the Lord will take you by the hand, as it were, and give you answer to your prayers."  ("But Arise and Stand upon Thy Feet"--and I Will Speak with Thee, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year, Provo, 7 Feb. 1956, pp. 7, 11.)

The way of the gospel is a simple way.  Some of the requirements may appear to you as elementary and unnecessary.  Do not spurn them.  Humble yourselves and walk in obedience.  I promise that the results that follow will be marvelous to behold and satisfying to experience.  ~Elder Gordon B. Hinckley, (Ensign, Nov. 1976, 96)

If you want praise more than instruction -- you may get neither.  ~Henry B. Eyring


Measuring Up: Integrity Quotes
Measuring Up: Time and Preparation
Measuring Up: Testimony Quotes
Measuring Up: Service and Empathy Quotes
Measuring Up: Sabbath Quotes

Company's Coming: Organization

Just because you have four chairs, six plates, and three cups is no reason why you can't invite twelve to dinner. ~Alice May Brock

About a month ahead of my holiday celebration, I write a list of everything on my menu including snacks and appetizers.  I prepare what I can in advance. I take my list every time I go to the store so I can buy a little at a time.

Next I survey the furniture situation such as chairs for seating.  I just bought a couple of charming, smallish, sturdy chairs from an antique shop for $10 each!  That was for less than the nearby "thrift" shop was selling miscellaneous chairs.  They are perfect for a tight fit in my small dining room, and I have future plans to use one in a corner of a daughter's room and the other to hold a stack of pretty towels in my bathroom--so they serve double duty.  (Coming from a large extended family, I also learned that it is okay to use the piano bench and dressing table stools for seating as well--just tuck them on the side of the table that won't show up in photographs).  I have an enclosed front porch that will serve as overflow for my living room.  Investing in a nice patio set pays off during times like these.  I'll throw a few extra cushions and pillows as well as warm throws.  If it's chilly, I can heat up the porch with a small space heater I use for camping.

I've also been doing major house cleaning which I usually do every spring and fall.  This helps me get ready for the holidays.  Not only did I find a ton of stuff inside to take to the Jimmy Hale Mission thrift store, but outside as well!  I did part of my holiday baking all day Saturday, had a daughter make a huge pot of chili, and kept the menfolk well-fed as they cleaned up the clutter in the shed and around the house removing a boat, a 24-ft. above-ground pool, and leftover construction materials!

This is a good time to have a honey-do list prepared so my honey knows exactly what needs doing.  Some repairs require professionals like the Whirlpool repairman I've got to call tomorrow to fix the weird sound in the dishwasher and the ice maker in the fridge that's gone kaput.  If your husband isn't so handy around the house, ask friends if they know someone who is, that does this professionally.

I want to enjoy my Thanksgiving and I'm not real fond of turkey (I'm a chicken gal), so I plan on ordering a turkey.  Bojangles does a fried turkey, and the local BBQ joint has smoked turkeys.  The deli my eldest works at makes huge pans of dressing with chicken meat.  Turkey and dressing are the two things I really stress over.  Mrs. Smith's will take care of desserts, served with Cool Whip. I love Knorr turkey or chicken gravy.  I have a recipe that adds herbs to this packet and it is the best, easiest, no-fail gravy!

"Tastes Like Boston Market" Gravy

1 (1.2-oz.) pkg. Knorr Roasted Turkey Gravy Mix

1/2 t. chopped fresh sage

1/2 t. chopped fresh thyme

1/4 t. pepper

Prepare gravy mix according to pkg. directions, stirring in 1/2 t. chopped fresh sage, 1/2 t. chopped fresh thyme, and 1/4 t. pepper before bringing to a boil.  Proceed as directed on the package.  Yield:  1-1/4 cups.

I've recently discovered Stone Mountain canned vegetables, and the peas are way better than Le Seur and way cheaper too!  A tradition from my own growing up is the brown and serve rolls and plenty of jellied cranberry sauce--what could be easier?  And if I'm feeling up to it, I'll make some candied yams and a vinegar slaw that's to-die-for.  Mashed potatoes and green casseroles are stand bys as well.

For a small gathering, I plan on using real dishes so I've had to made sure I have enough silverware, cups, plates, etc.  The day before is a good time to plan on doing some light cleaning and dusting in places where guests gather and in the bathroom.  I recently spruced up the bathroom with new rugs, a shower curtain, and pretty towels.

For entertaining, we'll have the video game system ready in one of the bedrooms, and fun DVDs to watch.  I also like to keep some autumn inspired magazines and small books around.  My favorite autumn book is by the artist Susan Branch.

Festive background music, scented candles, something cool to drink (or cocoa in a crock pot if it's really cold), and a few light snacks such as homemade Snack Mix are perfect for guests as they filter in.